Is it Self-Love or Self-Punishment?

This is a question I began asking myself this morning after struggling with my own personally defined 'self-care.'

I have set up a list of ‘self-care’ items that I have posted on my fridge in an effort to be kind to myself and treat myself with love.

It was done with GREAT intention with the simple idea that if I create a list reminding myself of easy things I can do for self-care, it would be easier to be kinder to myself.

This morning, I found myself in complete defiance of the now ‘dreaded list’ of self-care.  

It seems that I have put so much emphasis on what I can do to care for myself that it has morphed into a self-punishment list versus a way to show my body, soul and spirit self-love.

Wowzers…. I certainly was NOT expecting that to be the end result of this lovingly intended list.

Where did I go wrong?

How did this well intended list of things to incorporate into my day as self-care turn so far from self-love to become an internalized self-punishment???

What I’m exploring is that the ‘adult,’ logical minded self created this list that has morphed into the ‘good/bad’ list for my inner children.  (Yep …. As in 3 inner children with 3 very strong personalities.....never a dull day over here!)

My inner children are rebelling against the list and want NOTHING to do with this ‘chore list.’     

Looking over it, it does seem like a chore list that a child would HATE … take your bath, eat your vegetables, do your homework …. Blah, blah, blah ….  I’m starting to see how this morphed into the ‘chore list!’

How did my list of things for my own self-care get so skewed that my self-care is being seen as PUNISHMENT????

It seems I'm doing everything in my power to NOT do them as I have made a commitment to myself to no longer knowingly punishment my self.

I was at a loss.  How did it go so wrong???

….then it hit me.

My logical, thinking, mind created a structured list and posted it without conferring with my al about play and creativity ‘inner children.’  They were TOLD what to do and not invited into the ‘planning meeting.’

Just like all kids given an ultimatum instead of a choice, they stomped their feet and did everything they could to sink the plan.  My logical mind was outnumbered and didn’t stand a chance.

I’m trying again. This time, I brought together all the parties and asked for suggestions on our future intentions. This was the easy part. We are all on the same page that:

• We want to a healthy body, mind and spirit
• We want to live a life of joy, happiness and adventure
• We choose to explore every corner of the world
• We choose to shine our light like only we can while sharing our wisdom, knowledge, experience and very unique perspective.

That was the easy part … the next part was a bit more intriguing, When asked how we could accomplish this, the same items that were on the ‘chore list’ came up as a way to accomplish it. But they ALL FELT LIKE WORK and nothing felt ‘fun, joyful, playful or happy.’

It came down to semantics.

My inner children didn’t want to ‘eat their vegetables,’ They wanted to choose ‘living over dead’ when selecting what they put in our body.

They didn’t want to ’take a bath’, they wanted to chill out with a soak.’

They didn’t want to be told to turn the tv off, they wanted to engage their imagination with stories to be read. They wanted to invest in learning about far away places and imagining a different world.

My new 'self care list':

How are you approaching showing yourself some love? Is it in the way of self-care or are you, too, using a corporate approach and making yourself a 'chore list?'

I am always amazed at how changing the verbiage and shifting the approach, brings in a completely different outcome.

Wishing you and your inner children loads of love, happiness and self-care.

-Katy